I woke up panicked to the sound of an ambulance driving past my building. I quickly collect myself and realize where I am. Home in bed. With a mild hangover. I look over to the clock on the wall. Ugh. 7 am. I have this tendency to be up early after a night of drinking, my body rejecting the much-needed rest. I get up and hop into the shower to get some remnant of recovery and repair. My mind can’t help but wander to the ‘incident’. It didn’t even really happen. Or maybe… just maybe, it WAS astral projection. It seems like other people have experienced something like this too. My mind is racing. It was pretty fucking cool though. Maybe I can try to control it.

I decide to quickly finish up showering and get dressed. I walk into the living room, “Billy?” No one responds. I tiptoe over and peek into Billy’s room. Through the crack of the door, I see half of Billy slung off the bed, snoring loudly. Rachel sleeping beside her, having greedily taken the whole bedsheet. Good. I quietly close the door.

I go to stand by the window and stare across the street to Corey’s apartment. No one in sight. Maybe I could try to do it again, to see if it was real or not… Nah can’t risk going there again. I look at the roof of the building and it is nice and empty. High enough that no one will see me there. If this were to work. “Okay. Let’s do this.” I blow into my hands and rub them together. As if that will ignite the magic. Suddenly I feel a sense of stage fright, despite the lack of audience.

I’ve had performance anxiety ever since I can remember. The first time I can recall that vomit-inducing feeling was when I was in Kindergarten. Ms. Sevis, my teacher who freakishly resembled Kelly Kapowski of Saved By The Bell, had all of the students present our project about our family trees. I always enjoyed working on the projects. I would sail through them as I expressed my creative side into a tangible form. However, showing them? That was a whole other boat, filled with bait turd and gutted fish remnents. My name must’ve been called a few times because my friend was impishly standing in front of me, flailing his arms around to get my attention. “Nisa, it’s your turn” repeated Ms. Sevis. Heat filled my face as I slowly walked over to the front of the class. My fair skin exposing my nerves with the flush of red painting my cheeks. Ms. Sevis put a comforting hand on my shoulder, “You can do this Nisa, take your time.” I took a deep breathe. Then I opened my mouth to talk but something else greeted me… and the students in the front row of the classroom. I threw up my words. As if in slow-motion, I watched as chaos ensued. Kids screaming and running. Laughing. Pointing.

Ugh. I shake off the memory and refocus to the task at hand. I tense up my body and face, and squint my eyes. I burrow my eyebrows and stare intensely at the roof of the building. Wait! I quickly stop when I remember what happened the last time I was standing. “Oh hell no!” I quickly head to the large chair, face it towards the window, and sit down. I make myself comfortable, shifting around a little too much, nervous to see if this is actually going to work. “Alright.” I say aloud as I settle into my seat and resume to gape across the street.

My eyes begin to dry and I realize I haven’t blinked in what feels like ten minutes. I try a few other random, odd body, facial positions to see if it’ll spark anything. No budge.  “Aah! This isn’t working!” I take a moment. Thinking. A sharp pain shoots through my bottom lip as I subconsciously have been tugging on it with my nails. I close my eyes and take one deep breath in and out. I lean slightly forward. When I open my eyes, I stare at the roof and think about how badly I want to be there. Almost as if my body grants my wish, I feel a pulse ring through my body. I shut my eyes and suddenly feel a burst of warm air on my skin and hair.

I open my eyes and am surprised to see a clear blue sky. There is black and gray flooring covering the entire roof. My heart stops. No words. I have no time to take in what happened when I realize my feet are burning on the rubber black floor. I instantly start hopping on each foot until I near the patch of concrete flooring. by the exit door. 

Once the burning fades, it dawns one me. “Oh my god. OH MY GOD! It worked!” I jump and swing my arms around, flailing ecstatically. I look across the street and see my apartment. “Holy fuck!” How is this happening? How did that work? This is absolutely fucking insane. Despite the stream of questions running through my mind, I can’t help but want to do it again.